Now would be a good time for a miracle
by jibber59
Summary: The title pretty much says it all. Time for a little Christmas angst - M7 style


He sat quietly watching the last vestiges of the sunset. He was glad to see night fall. It suited his mood so much better. The small room he sat in was comparatively quiet, at least as opposed to the hustle and bustle that was going on outside. He could hear the airport announcements; arrivals, departures, and all the other sounds that droned through the night air. This small space offered him a semblance of privacy. He'd had to use his badge to get access, and he would probably get in trouble for that down the line, but right now he didn't care. He couldn't stand being in the temporary waiting room that had been set up in the airport chapel. The images, the connotations, the all-pervasive reminder brought on by the presence of staff and family members. It was all a little bit more than he could handle right now.

The problem with his view, now that night had fallen, was the reflection in the window's glass. He looked every bit as frightened as he felt. His hair was a mess, which was not surprising given the number of times he'd run his hand through it. His shirt was open at the collar and looked as if it had been slept in. He had no recollection of removing his tie, nor did he have a clue where it might now be.

He felt the phone vibrate in his pocket again. He didn't really have to look to know who it was, but glanced anyway. Judge Travis was calling, again. And Ezra was ignoring it, again. If there had been news he wanted to hear, someone would have come in and summoned him to the chapel. No, he corrected himself, not wanted to hear. It was the last thing he wanted to hear.

When the phone vibrated yet again a moment later, for the third time in less than five minutes, he surrendered. Sighing quietly, Ezra pulled it from his pocket and answered.

"I'm almost at the airport Standish." Judge Travis's voice was unnaturally solicitous, which made Ezra even more uncomfortable. "You want my driver to wait out front for you? You want to get away from here for a bit?"

"Where would I go?"

"Out. Away. He could have you back in no time if we get word."

"No, thank you. Driving around aimlessly would serve no purpose. I assume you intend to head to the chapel?"

"Going to meet with the airport authorities first. See if they can get me any more information."

"What additional information is there to have? Their plane has disappeared. Vanished from the skies. Can you think of an acceptable reason for that to have occurred?"

"That's the word you need to focus on Ezra. Disappeared. We don't know that they crashed, or even went down."

"Clearly they went down. They should have been here almost two hours ago. It is not a matter of if they went down, but rather all of the other questions. Where? Why?"

"You left out a big question there Ezra."

"I didn't leave it out. I just did not give voice to it, for fear of learning the answer. Are there survivors?"

The judge really didn't have a comment to add. The news that the small commuter plane transporting six members of his best team back from an assignment had simply disappeared from radar over two hours ago had left everyone shaken. Ezra had already left for the airport, ready to greet them all and take them out to a surprise Christmas Eve dinner. Now, instead of a celebration, there was nothing but anxiety, tension, and a rapidly growing sense of sadness.

"We just pulling up to the airport now. I'm to find the officials and see what I can learn. I should be to the chapel in about 15 or 20 minutes."

"Give me a moment, and I will meet you at the airport manager's office." Ezra hung up before the judge could deny his request. Five minutes later he was leaning against the wall as Travis approached the office.

"You sure you want to come in Ezra? You want to hear this?"

"One way or the other, I need to find ou what's going on." Ezra pushed himself away from the wall as the door behind him was opened.

The large man who stepped out did not fit the image in any way of an airport manager. A football linebacker perhaps, but not an officious bureaucrat. His face was sombre as he greeted them. "Gentlemen, my name is Washington. Wish I had some good news for you. Or really any news for you. We are still trying to figure out what happened."

"What can you tell us?" the judge asked.

"Probably not much more than you already know. About two hours and 15 minutes ago the commuter flight that your friends and 23 other people were on went off radar. It was a little more than 20 minutes away from landing. There was no communication from the pilot, no prior indication of an issue, and no one has reported seeing anything unusual in the sky. Weather was good. All conditions were good."

"So, you are saying that for no fathomable reason this plane simply ceased to exist?" Ezra hoped he didn't sound too terribly rude, but at the same time, couldn't bring himself to care all that much.

"Originally, we assumed it was some kind of technical glitch. Doesn't happen often, but every now and then a plane gets low enough that it doesn't register on the radar."

"I doubt it would be flying that low, given the prevalence of mountains in the area." Ezra's snarky tone was more than evident. Washington chose to ignore it, understanding the source.

"No, I don't imagine it would be that low. Additionally, if it had been, they would've showing up here long ago. We have searchers out, but we haven't heard from them for a while. These damn solar flares are messing with most of our cellular communications."

"And there have been no 911 calls, no reports of any kind?" the judge inquired.

"The only lead we have is the flightpath the pilot was following. Like I said, we've got searchers out. It's going to be a bit harder now that it's dark, but they've got infrared, high beam spotlights, everything we need to find what happened." Ezra couldn't help but realize that the two people he knew would provide the best chance of finding the plane were both on board. JD could have made the phones come back to life, while at the same time creating a beacon to allow them to home in on the location. And likewise, Vin would have been able to follow on the smallest of signs to point the way.

"You mean find the wreckage." Ezra stated bluntly.

"We don't know that. Until we do, this is a rescue mission. Pure and simple." Washington's tone left no room for doubt. He was not ready to give up.

The judge reached his hand out to shake Washington's. "Thank you for taking the time to update us. I realize you are very busy at the moment, so we won't keep you. We'll be down the chapel with the others, waiting for the good news."

"I hope to deliver it to you soon."

Travis guided Ezra out, and directed him toward the waiting area.

"If it's all the same to you Judge, I don't really think I want to be around all those families."

"There's a lot of support that comes from being around others who are waiting for the same news you are."

"Not for me. The only group I want to be surrounded by isn't here." He turned to leave, but stopped when the judge gently grabbed at his arm.

"Ezra, aside from the obvious, what are you thinking?"

"I should have been with them."

"I figured as much. That's not your fault. It was my call not to send you on this job. The guy we were after knew you from your FBI days. Your presence would've blown the case before it even started."

"I know that. My head knows that. It doesn't change the fact that I should have been with them. We should be together."

"You think that's what they'd want right now? You don't think they took a little bit of comfort knowing, when all this happened, that at least you were safe?"

"I seriously doubt I was in their thoughts at all."

"The hell you weren't. I can guarantee you, they each would've said a small prayer of thanks that at least one of the team survived."

"Six good and decent men on the team, and I'm the one who survives."

"Seven good and decent man on the team. I really thought you understood that by now."

"I can assure you that it isn't for a lack of effort on their part. That is all the more reason I should have been there with them." Ezra was quickly losing the ability to stifle his emotions. "They were my team. Damn it, they were my family."

"I know that Ezra. And I know how pleased they'd be a to hear you say that. To know that you know that."

"Perhaps, but right now I feel my life was so much better when I had no family. When feeling like this wasn't even a part of my wildest imaginations. Mother always warned me that such attachments were far more trouble than they were worth." Ezra pulled his arm away from the judge's grasp and turned to leave. "I'll be back. I need some air."

The judge watched Ezra walk down the hallway, and toward the exit. He desperately wanted to follow. To keep an eye on the man. But he had no idea what he would say to him. What more he **could** say to him.

He'd watched the transformation in Standish over the 18 months or so that he had been a part of this team. The cynical, aloof, and angry young man had slowly come to accept the fact that he had finally found a place he could fit in. Not to say that there hadn't been times that it had been more than trying for everyone involved. Trust had been an issue in both directions, but when those barriers finally came down, the seven men formed a unique bond. Ezra had been right, they were so much more than a team. And closer than most families. True, it was an occasionally dysfunctional family, but a family nevertheless. And Travis really wasn't certain if Ezra could handle being emotionally orphaned again.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Ezra's phone vibrated again as he exited the airport. Surely this couldn't be Travis calling him already. He glanced down at it to see the notification of a text message from his mother. "Good Lord, how could she know?" He opened it, both relieved and angered to see it was nothing more than a simple, and typically impersonal holiday greeting. " _Hope you have a lovely holiday with your new friends."_ Of course, she would have no way of knowing what had happened. Even though the cluster of news vans indicated that the media was aware that a plane was missing, there had been no public disclosure of the details. Certainly nothing to indicate six ATF agents had been on board. Nothing to indicate the fact the only true friends he had ever had were on board. That news was being withheld, until 'all information were available', to use the media release jargon.

He turned the phone off, tired of the ominous presence it had become. Ezra thought of the phone calls he would have to make. He was not going to let Casey and Rain find out about this from some bureaucrat knocking on their door. Likewise, he would call Nettie Wells. He hoped Casey and her aunt would be able to provide some comfort to each other, once they knew JD and Vin were gone. And they would be there for Rain as well, as she grieved the loss of her fiancé. As they all grieved Nathan's death. And Chris's. And Buck's. And Josiah's. The reality slammed into him like a fist, and he felt physically battered. Every sound, every sight seemed to be an attack.

More than almost anything else right now, Ezra wished he could find a way to turn off all the damn Christmas lights. The entire town was sparkling around him, in reds and greens and yellows, in flashing trees and the forms of buildings outlined with holiday glow. Christmas Eve had never been his favourite night of the year. As a child it usually meant disappointment was coming in the morning, and little had changed as an adult. Now, Christmas Eve forever would be nothing more than a reminder of all he had lost.

Ezra stopped, surprised to see he'd reached the far west end of the airport property. He glanced at his watch and realized he been walking for over half an hour. He stood now at the edge of the small ravine that marked the boundary of the airport. The town spread out further below him, and in the few moments of quiet he was able to get this far from the airport, when the drone of planes wasn't drowning everything else out, he could hear church bells. It was enough to break what little spirit he had left.

"This is your idea of some kind of cosmic joke, isn't it?" Ezra looked up to the stars. It was a clear night, and there appeared to be hundreds of them overhead, adding to the sparkle from below. "Well, I get the message. Ezra Standish is not allowed to achieve happiness. Every time it comes close, you step in to ensure something goes wrong. Fine, I can accept that. Lord knows, I have it coming to me. But this – this is beyond cruel. Not to me. As I said, I can accept that which I deserve. But to use them in this way is wrong on so very many levels. These were good men. They made a difference, and the world is much worse off with their loss. Noble and honest men who deserved much better. They had people who loved them, who now will suffer as well. This is your idea of justice? Prove me wrong. Show me that there is some benevolence, some compassion left in the universe. Now would be a good time for a miracle."

He sat down at the edge, his legs dangling over. It crossed his mind how easy it would be to join the other six men now. A simple slide forward, a gentle push, and he would be over the edge. Well, he thought to himself, more literally over the edge than he normally was. He could hear their voices in his head, yelling at him over his stupidity. Yelling at him that this was not a solution.

" _You can't waste your life like that Ezra_ ," Josiah would say. JD would question Ezra's decision to become a quitter. Buck and Nathan would offer similar admonishments, trying to remind Ezra how much he had to live for. He couldn't see that himself, but he was certain they would. Vin would simply give him that look that clearly indicated how disappointed he was. And then there was Chris. Chris would glare, scowl, likely even growl at him. But then he would say the one thing that he knew would stop Ezra. " _You promised you'd never quit on me. You promised you'd never run out on the team_." "Ah, but Chris, there is no team. I cannot run out on something that no longer exists." " _As long as one of us is around, this team exists. You represent us all now Ezra. Don't you dare let us down_."

Ezra swung his legs back onto solid ground, slowly pushing himself to his feet and brushing the dust off. He turned back, watching another plane approach for landing. With a quiet sigh, he headed back to the airport.

Activity had picked up considerably. Aside from the organized chaos of families greeting their Christmas Eve arrivals, all ready to spend the holidays together, there was an increase in other activity as well. More news vans had arrived, and as Ezra got closer to the airport, he could see two large buses had pulled up as well. Undoubtedly there to escort the bereaved family members to a more suitable venue. If Ezra had had his car there, he undoubtedly would've headed for the parking lot and gone home himself. Drowning his sorrow seemed like and excellent notion. But, he had arrived in the limo that had been rented to take everyone out to dinner in appropriate style, and that had long since been sent away. There was a line of taxis, but Ezra knew there was an equally long line of arrivals anxious to get home to loved ones. He left the cabs for them.

When he entered the airport, he was almost blinded by the sheer volume of media cameras lighting up the space. Obviously, the news was out, and probably official by now. A dozen reporters all stood giving summaries of the unfortunate tragedy that had befallen Christmas Eve for the 29 souls onboard that small commuter plane. Ezra didn't have the heart to listen.

It was still too early for there to be any definitive answers. He didn't want to know that his friends had spent the last few moments of their lives waiting for the end, unable to do anything about it. He hoped when the answers finally came he would learn that the cause had been something sudden and unexpected. There had been a bomb, or they had flown into the side of a mountain with no warning. Even decompression, where they had all fallen asleep and not been aware of their approaching fate. The more he thought about it, the more he was certain he didn't want to know anything at all.

He turned away from his original heading, not ready to go into the chapel. He decided to go back to his quiet room, and text the judge to let him know that he'd returned. As he reached to open the door he heard voices inside, and cursed the fact that his sanctuary had been overtaken. As he started to pull away, the door opened. Travis was standing there. "Wish you'd learn to answer your damn phone Standish. We've been waiting for you." He pulled the door open with a large smile on his face.

"You picked a hell of time to go for a walk Son," Josiah's voice boomed out. Ezra froze in place. He blinked repeatedly, certain he was hallucinating. Certain that the stress and fatigue had caught up with him. Buck reached out and pulled him into a hug. "You ain't dreaming, Ezra."

"How? How can this…?"

In any other circumstances they all would have been laughing, reveling in the unusual sight of Ezra Standish unable to speak. These were not other circumstances. Travis had provided a few details, but they didn't need to be told what the last few hours had been like for Ezra. They had had each other for support through the ordeal, and it ate at them to know he had gone through it alone. They all wanted nothing more now than to be able to reassure him.

"Long story short, the plane lost power Ezra. Something to do with an electrical surge. Took out controls, communications – you name it." Chris smiled. "We had one damn good pilot. Guess it's what they call a controlled crash."

"Crash?" Ezra was still too stunned to put a coherent sentence together.

"Controlled crash Ezra. Lots of bruises and sprains, a few folks ended up with minor injuries. But everybody walked away. Or at least limped." Nathan summed it all up in a way to answer Ezra's inevitable concern about the state of their health.

Ezra had a million questions running through his mind, but could not seem to find the ability to form sentences. He stood, staring, his gaze shifting from one man to the next. Each of them smiled back at him, nodding their assurances that they were indeed alright. That they were indeed standing in front of him. "I cannot quite bring myself to believe this." He spoke haltingly, uncertain if he was even speaking aloud. He moved to take a step forward and found himself falling as his knees gave way. Buck and Vin were closest, and grabbed him before he hit the ground.

"Easy there, Pard. I guess we shouldn't have shocked you quite like this.

"No, it's fine, it's perfectly fine." Ezra shook his head slightly. "Oh, God. More than fine. This is, this is unbelievable. You all really are alright? Uninjured?"

"Like Nathan said Ezra, nothing that can't be fixed up with a first aid kit." Josiah could barely stand to hear the strain still evident in his young friend's voice.

"How – how did they find you?"

"Well, JD managed to hotwire the tracking system onboard, and get some kind of signal sent out," Buck explained. "Which of course made it a lot easier for the searchers to track us down."

"Yeah, but between being up in the mountains and the solar disruptions, we couldn't get a signal to phone you. We tried. We tried a lot Ezra." JD assured him. "We had a pretty good idea what you must be thinking."

"With all due respect gentlemen," Ezra finally was able to put together what he hoped was a coherent sounding sentence, "I don't believe you can imagine it."

"Let me take a guess," Vin offered with a supportive smile. "I would say you had an "end of the world" thing going on with a blend of terror, guilt, loss, and maybe a hint of anger."

"I would have to concede, that was a reasonable summation, although 'hint' might be to mild a description." Ezra continued to look around the room, his face clearly reflecting his ongoing inability to fully accept what was happening. "Forgive me. This is not a moment I expected to experience."

"We really did try to find a way to get in touch with you Ezra. To get in touch with anybody."

"I'm sure you made every effort JD. The fact that you were able to guide the rescuers to you is more than sufficient testimony to your expertise."

"The judge tells us you were already at the airport when word came the plane went down. What we are doing out here?" Chris asked.

"Well, to be honest, I had planned a small Christmas surprise for you."

"Thought we had an agreement there weren't going to be any Christmas presents."

"No Chris. You had an agreement that there weren't going to be any Christmas presents. I do not recall expressing my acceptance of the notion. However, that is irrelevant as technically this was not a Christmas present, this was a Christmas Eve present.

"Okay. Ezra is back to being himself."

"If you mean I have recovered sufficiently to revert to being precise in my choice of phrasing and vocabulary, you would be correct Josiah."

"Dare I ask what kind of surprise you had in mind?"

"It was just a quiet dinner Nathan. Nothing terribly special."

"Don't believe him." The judge had discovered Ezra's plans earlier in the evening. "He had a limo and private reservations at one of the most exclusive restaurants in town."

"Damn. Sorry to have ruined all that Ezra," Buck said with conviction. "That sounded pretty special."

Ezra smiled at the men standing around him. "Not nearly as special as the evening turned out to be." He cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed by his comment. "Now, I'm sure you gentlemen have places to be. Undoubtedly Rain and Casey are anxious to be reunited with you."

"We already called them both," JD answered. "They didn't even know what was going on."

Ezra's embarrassment continued. "Well, I saw no need to notify them of any details until there was something definitive to say."

Nathan shook his head. "No, you wanted to protect them for as long as possible. Didn't want to ruin their Christmas Eve, did you?"

"I saw no purpose in it.

"Yeah, it wouldn't have occurred to you to have them out here with you for support."

"That would have been a rather selfish act on my part, don't you think?"

"No Ezra. That's what friends are for."

"Forgive me. That concept is I am still developing my understanding of."

The judge couldn't help himself from correcting Ezra. "I think you got the concept of friendship down pat." He was going to continue, until he saw the look on Ezra's face. Clearly, he did not want to share the full extent of the evening's anxiety with his friends at this point. He probably never would. And, as much as he would like would have liked to let them all know what Ezra had said about family, Travis realized the best gift he could give the man was to respect that privacy.

"Well gentlemen," the judge rubbed his hands together, "while it is unlikely that the original dinner plans can be completed, I do think a celebration of some sort it is in order.

"It's closing in on midnight on Christmas Eve. Precisely what did you have in mind?" Chris challenged.

"Harry's Deli." Vin said with absolute certainty in his voice. "You know the place? Up on Brock Street. Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Says so right in the window."

"Sounds good to me. Course right about now anything sounds good to me."

JD looked at Buck. "I thought that was your stomach I heard growling."

"Well, man does not live by airline peanuts alone."

"What you say Ezra? I know it's not quite up to your fancy standards?"

"I do believe on this occasion, under the circumstances, it would be more than satisfactory to share dinner with you at Harry's Deli. Or anywhere else you'd care to mention."

"Hey Ezra?"

"Yes Chris?"

"Merry Christmas."

"Indeed."

They all smiled when JD added "And God bless us, everyone," with an impish grin.

Ezra spoke softly. "I believe that matter has already been taken care of."

Josiah looked at him with mild surprise. "Now you are pretty much the last one I would have expected to hear that from."

"What can I say my friend? Today would seem to be the day for miracles."


End file.
